The Negative Adjective Series: Awful
by Aurora-Jane Turner
Summary: This was awful. Not the waking-up-and-realising-your-mum-had-made-oatmeal even-though-your-deadly-allergic-to-oatmeal kind of awful this was probably the worst thing to happen to me. I was in love. I think this was for real.
1. Deal With The Devil

**Awful**

_By A.J Turner_

Chapter One: Deal With The Devil

This was awful. Not the waking-up-and-realising-your-mum-had-made-oatmeal even-though-your-deadly-allergic-to-oatmeal kind of awful this was probably the worst thing to happen to me. I was in love. And not your regular teen kind of love either I think this was for real.

I had woken up this morning to this horrible realisation after having another dream about _her_.

She chopped off my hands.

Yes I fell in love with the girl that chopped off my hands in a dream. I needed to talk to someone. Someone who knows how I feel. Unfortunately my supporting cast in the puppet show from hell that is my life are less then satisfactory.

I could talk to my friend but he's a womanising pig. He's never been in love. He's three months younger then me; the only thing he loves is sex. Like normal teenagers.

But I can't be normal, NO; I had to fall in love!

My parents were far to perfect to ask about love. They were meant to be together. You spend five minutes with them and you know that.

They'd tell me that she must love me, how can she not I'm perfect. Or some typical loving parent response.

Maybe my other friend, no he's to shy with these things and the other one wasn't to good either.

I sighed and sat up in my bed.

"James breakfast is ready!" mum called. I got up and quickly changed then hurried down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"Where's Sirius?" mum asked.

"Upstairs" I guessed sitting down next to dad.

Sirius Black, the aforementioned friend with a fondness for sex, had been living with us for about a year. Ever since he ran away after causing a large scene at his home. His parents were very pristine and everything in their world had to be perfect and it was their way or the highway. Sirius chose the highway, as it was simpler then trying to convince everyone around him to listen. They wouldn't have anyway.

Sirius came into the kitchen.

"Don't panic I'm here" he said

"Oh thank the lord" dad said sarcastically. Sirius sat down beside me and looked at me. It wasn't the normal kind of glance either he scooted his chair right over and had his hands on my shoulder with his head resting on them.

"Are you quite comfortable?" I asked

"Yes. And you have awful morning breath" he said

"Thank you. Anything else you wish to point out before I kill you?" I asked.

"Your upset" he said

"Was it my eyes shinning with their stupid unshed tears?" I asked dramatically.

"No. Legilimency of course" Sirius said "All Black family members are equipped with it, along with a strong disposition and the need to be always right"

"Also the need to be really annoying" I said.

"Why are you upset Prongsie? Did you have another dream about Lily?" he asked.

Dad spat his coffee out all over the paper and mum dropped the bowl she was cleaning.

I took a deep breath and didn't look at any one.

"What did she do this time? Eat your eyes? Shoot your neck? Pull out your teeth and make a necklace?" Sirius asked seriously. He still hadn't moved off my shoulder, I sighed.

"She cut off my hands," I said

"Oh_ that's_ new. Why?"

"Because I said hello"

"I told you that woman was off" Sirius muttered

"Who is this Lily?" dad asked

"Do you want me to have a talk with her mother?" mum offered.

"No need Marianne" Sirius said, "Lillian Victoria Evans is the charming mudblood" I glared at him. "Sorry, it's the upbringing. Charming muggle-born" he corrected "that our young Jimmy boy is besotted with"

"I am not besotted. She cut off my hands" I said waving my hands in his face for emphasis.

He leaned back into his own seat, finally leaving my space.

"Is that what I think it is?" Sirius asked.

"What?" I asked looking at him. He trapped me with his evil grey eyes, crap now he's in my thoughts. I feel I could have done more to stop this from happening, like not looking at him for instance…

"Oh. Dear. Lord. No!" Sirius said standing up so quickly his chair fell over.

"What?" mum asked glancing around.

"Your son is a sissy," Sirius said pointing at me. "I cannot believe you. You've got so much to live for yet you fall for that floozy"

"She's not a floozy" I said "And I haven't fallen for anyone," I added to my parents.

"It's all right. Love makes a good marriage" dad said

"And a good marriage makes good grandchildren" mum said beaming at me.

_I'm going to kill you_

I looked directly at Sirius. _Read that you smart arse._

"That's not nice," he said.

"Why haven't we met this girl? If your going to marry her shouldn't we have met her?" mum asked

"Oh you will, after she finds out James married her. You'll see her at James's murder trial. She'll be the one in the orange jump-suit" Sirius said nodding.

"You are dead to me," I said

"What on earth did I do?" Sirius asked sounding surprised, which was quite shocking, as he knew perfectly well what he did.

"You know perfectly well what you did," I said.

He opened his mouth then closed it in defeat.

"What's on the agenda for today boys?" mum asked cleverly changing the topic. Well it wasn't very clever she just asked a question but it did change the topic.

"Agenda?" Sirius asked

"Mum the forties called they want their lingo back" I said. Dad hit me over the back of the head

"Don't smart mouth your mother," he ordered.

"So you two doing anything today?" mum asked smiling brightly.

"Going to laze about I suppose" Sirius said

"Why don't you go out? See that Lily girl you were talking about" mum said. I began to laugh while Sirius shook his head.

"Couldn't do that Marianne," he said

"Well as your not doing anything you can both clean the garage" dad said

"Alan I told you to do that" mum said

"Yeah but I'm going golfing"

"No your not"

"I already said yes"

"Well unsay it"

"I don't see why I should, either way the garage is getting cleaned"

"Not the point. I wanted you to do that. It'll teach James a good lesson"

"What would that be?"

"That not even his father can get out of doing chores. Now skip" mum ordered.

Dad sighed, gave me a dirty look, as if this was somehow my fault, and then left the kitchen.

"Why don't you do some homework today?" mum asked

"Remus is sick" Sirius said mum looked at him.

"We never do homework without Remus," I said

"Yeah, whenever we try to he gets really upset" Sirius said.

--

"You know I hate doing homework with you guys" Remus whined. This made Sirius burst out laughing while I just rolled my eyes.

Remus Lupin was one of my other friends; he studied a lot and didn't have much confidence in himself. He was rather shy and always modest… very modest.

"But your so smart, we wouldn't know where to begin without you" Sirius said

"I'm not smart, and your not that dumb. The obvious choice is to begin with your name" Remus said

"Of course. It's so obvious now, thanks Moony" Sirius said Remus rolled his eyes and glared at Sirius.

"When's Pete getting back?" I asked

"August twenty-sixth" Remus replied

"And that's how long from now?" I asked

"Two weeks" Remus said

"Man, that's so long. Why would he go to France anyway? French people are gay" Sirius said

"Peter's father is French" Remus said

"No one can tell him I said that. I love French people," Sirius said

"You're an idiot," Remus said

"And you love it" Sirius said hugging Remus.

"Get off me" Remus ordered.

"Stop it!" Remus cried. Sirius and I laughed at how uncomfortable Remus was. He'd never been big on human contact, as if we touched him we'd get infected or something.

Remus was a werewolf and was never comfortable with the fact we still talked to him. I think he was convinced we'd try to burn him at the stake or something, which we hadn't even hinted on doing so I've no idea where he's getting these thoughts.

Sirius let Remus go and he nervously began to scratch his wrist. Sirius just stared at the wrist Remus was scratching.

"So, Remus, have you heard from Lily?" I asked

"Why would you think that I-" he stopped when he saw the look I was giving him.

"Well…" he trailed off scratching his hands.

"Stop scratching its driving me nuts!" Sirius said Remus flexed his fingers instead. Sirius grabbed his hands to hold them still.

"I don't normally bring you up. She gets mad" Remus said trying to scratch again but Sirius held his hands still glaring at them.

"You brought me up didn't you," I said

"No she did, and she doesn't usually, unless you've had a fight. In that case I always take her side just so she doesn't hate me. I mean if she hated me we'd never know anything about her," Remus said staring at Sirius's hands.

"Anyway she asked how you were. She wasn't upset to find out you were still alive which surprised me. Then she asked if you were seeing anyone. I said no, you aren't are you?" he asked still staring at Sirius's hands.

"No" I said

"Ok" he said "then she changed the subject, so I don't know…"

"So she doesn't think I'm that bad. Ok" I said nodding.

"Your not going to be more excited? You were ecstatic when she actually spoke to you of her own free will last year, what's happened?" Remus asked

"Oh he's in love," Sirius said.

Remus looked at me like I was some deformed Doxy-House Elf mutant child, which I'm not just so you all know.

"With who?" Remus asked shocked

"You" I said

"What? That is – no your not" he said realising I was not in love with him.

"It wouldn't matter if I was, love is a partnership thing. The other person would have to love me to make it work and as neither you nor Lily love me it would not work"

"Well what did she say?" Remus asked

"When?" I asked

"When you told her"

"I haven't, I only found out about this awful dilemma last week I can't tell her zilch until I find out what to do about it"

"You could tell her," Remus said

"What would I say?" I asked

"You could suppress it" Sirius said

"Or you could tell her" Remus said

"Pretend it never happened" Sirius said

"Or tell her"

"Act like you're _not_ a pansy"

"Or you can always tell her"

"Moony I think we've already ruled out the telling her thing"

"She's got to know"

"No she does not," I said

"Your right. You're the only one to tell her. But if you don't tell her by next Tuesday I'm doing it" Remus said

"Thanks Remus I knew I could count on you" I said

"Idiot! _I_ shouldn't tell her! She'll get mad_ you_ didn't tell her"

"She'll murder me if_ I_ did tell her"

"James" Remus said sternly.

"Oh Potter what are you doing at my house?" Sirius asked impersonating Lily.

"I came to confess my undying love for you," I said

"But I hate you" Sirius said in his high-pitched girl tone.

"Yes and I love you, what do you say?"

"How could you be so stupid Potter? We had this nice argumentative rapport and you ruined it by falling in love with me, is there a stupider man anywhere?" he said dramatically "No Lily I'm afraid there is not" he said returning to his normal tone.

"And that was one of the more realistic situations" I said to Remus who had his head in his hands.

"You guys are both so stupid" he groaned.

"I've got it!" Sirius said sitting up straighter.

"Got what?" I asked

"What to do about your sissy-ness" Sirius said

"We're not pushing him off into Candon Valley" Remus said

"No, admittedly not a bad idea but no. You give it three weeks. If she asks about you again you tell her"

"That's not fair she'll definitely ask. 'Hey Remus, James dead yet?' It's like an ordinary conversation starter for her" I said

"Look is it a deal?" Sirius asked sticking out his hand.

"Shake his hand or I'll never talk to you again," Remus said.

"Why? It's-"

"That girl deserves to know!" Remus said I rolled my eyes.

"Deal" I sighed shaking Sirius's hand.

He laughed making me regret my decision.

"I've just agreed with the devil haven't I?" I asked Remus. Remus looked at Sirius who was cackling wildly.

"Yes" he said looking back to me.

"Damn" I sighed.

--

_Hello wonderful fan fiction readers._

_I'm Aurora-Jane and this is my first fan fiction so I'm eagerly awaiting your reviews to see how I did with my first chapter. Tell me your thoughts, really any, even the random ones._

_I do hope you enjoyed this chapter and as soon as I figure out how to send cookies over the Internet the first thirty reviews will get one._

_Well until next time then, A.J_

--


	2. The Truth Is Bad

Chapter Two: The Truth Is Bad

It was three weeks later. Peter was back from France. Lily had asked if I was all right. She'd asked if I had a girlfriend yet. She'd even asked if I could tutor her in Transfiguration. Remus and Sirius both agreed this was a definite sign that I should tell her how I feel.

"Guys I don't want to" I said

"It's the right thing to do" Remus said

"When you tell her and she happens to slap you I cannot be blamed for any reaction I have," Sirius said with an evil grin.

"I don't want you to die" Peter said. I looked at tiny Peter Pettigrew.

"Pete, a deals a deal. Even if made with Satan," I said glaring at Sirius.

"I'm not Satan, I'm his son and I do love to carry on Daddy's dirty work" Sirius said

"Isn't Mr Black a hit man?" Peter asked

"He is…" Sirius said looking at me.

"It's a rumour," Remus said to Peter. Remus then glared at Sirius for… being stupid I suppose.

"All right I'm going. Please don't hire your father to kill me," I said sarcastically. Sirius gave me a salute.

"Get in there now!" Remus ordered.

I sighed and walked into the café.

Lily Evans stood behind the cash register. She spotted me and smiled then casually leant against the counter knocking one of the used coffee cups onto the floor.

"Crap" she said and rushed around the side. We both picked up the little shards and put them into the dustpan she was holding. She swept the smaller bits in and we both stood up together.

"Hi" she said dropping the dustpan. Her face went bright red.

"Uh… hi, can I talk to you?" I asked

"Yeah" she said and looked around.

"Um… give me a second" she said and walked over to a door labelled 'employees only'. She walked right into and fell over backwards. I leant over the counter to look at her.

"Door says pull honey," a man said pushing the door open to help her up.

"Yeah I can read daddy. Can I go on my break?" Lily asked

"Sure thing" Mr Evans said. Lily nodded and came back over to me.

"Are you ok?" I asked she put a hand to her forehead and winced.

"Yeah except now I've got a bump on my head and look ridiculous" she muttered.

"So… uh… wha – why – what did you want?" she asked me smoothing her skirt nervously.

"Oh, yeah… right" I said and led her over to one of the tables in the corner. We sat down and she stared at her hands.

"I don't know exactly how to say this so just bare with me" I said she nodded glancing at me for only a second.

"Ok… so you know I like you a lot. And I know you hate me"

"I don't_ hate_ you," she said quietly.

"You don't?" I asked

"Well I certainly don't _like _you but I don't _hate _you" she said

"Oh, lovely. Well I do like you. A lot. Quite a lot. Anyway I've been thinking about us"

"There is no us," she pointed out.

"I know, but I'd like it if there was. I also know that probably won't happen. But I respect you and I think you deserve to know how I feel about you"

"I know how you feel about me. You just told me, you like me. A lot" she said.

"Please let me finish. While I was thinking about the '_us_' that'll never happen I realised something…" I trailed off. I stared at her, her face was blank her bright green eyes stared back at me. I couldn't pick the emotion in them but it was strong.

"I… love you," I said

"What?" she asked her face changing into shock.

"I love you," I repeated more confidently.

"But… I don't like you, I don't… that can't happen. I've been such a bitch how can you love _me_?" she asked.

"I don't _know_ I just do" I replied.

"How do you know you love me? It might just be you really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, _really _like me"

"But I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, _really_ liked you before. I didn't think I could get any higher then that but I did. I do love you, don't ask how I know I just do"

"Thank you" she said. I stared at her.

"That's not the answer you were hoping for…" she said sadly I just nodded.

"What do you want me to say?" she asked.

I love you too…

"Nothing. You don't have to say anything," I said. "I just thought you should know"

She nodded and looked at her hands again. She stood up and so did I. She opened and closed her mouth a few times then slapped me.

Sirius burst out laughing from somewhere behind me. Lily glared over my shoulder and Sirius's laughs were silenced.

I put a hand to my stinging cheek and stared at her.

"I'm sorry," she said looking rather upset.

"Your all right. I mean I like you; you've turned around a lot since we first met but I've never wanted to date you. It's not because of how you act, the way you look or dress. Nothing like that. It's just I genuinely do not want to go out with you"

"I just thought we wouldn't have much to do with each other. Then you come all the way down here, and I know you live far away so it must have been hard to come down"

I shrugged. She just shook her head

"You come all the way down here and tell me you love me. And I've never liked you as anything more then a classmate. I feel awful, for not being able to say anything. I can't even tell you maybe in two, three, ten years that'd I'd be able to say something like that to you," she said, she was crying now.

"Lily I don't mind. I don't. If I did do you think I'd still be standing here when you didn't say 'I love you too'?"

"Not really" she said with a sniff.

"Ok well I'm going to go. And I promise I won't ask you out anymore"

"Please don't," she said

"All right, see you at school" I said

"Ok" she said nodding.

"Well bye" I said

"Bye" she said watching me as she walked to the register. She bumped into one of the tables and managed to stop it falling over.

She giggled nervously and gave me a quick wave before spinning around to watch where she was walking.

Even when watching she ended up crashing right into one of the little tables. She slid right over the top knocking the dishes on the floor and pulling the table down with her.

"Are you ok?" I asked running over. She sat up and nodded smiling nervously.

"You sure?" I asked she nodded and accepted the hand I held out to her. I pulled her up and lifted her away from the broken china.

"All right. I'm good," she said

"Are you sure? Do you want me to carry you over to the register? It'd save you from embarrassing and hurting yourself again" I said. She looked at the gash on her arm and sighed.

"No I'll be all right. Just a little clumsy… today is not my day," she said nodding.

"All right. Well bye" I said

"Bye" she said.

I walked out of the café with Remus, Sirius and Peter jumping up and hurrying out the door after me.

--

"So you suck?" Sirius asked.

"No! Well I suppose. She was just upset she had nothing nice to say," I muttered.

"Because you suck?" Sirius said. Remus hit him

"She just said she didn't have anything as sweet to say about me. She said I was all right and that she liked me but nothing else"

"Ah the permanent friend zone!" Sirius said

"You never get out of there, man," Peter said nodding wisely.

"Just because you haven't doesn't mean I won't" I said

"Burn" Sirius said.

"So what are you going to do?" Remus asked

"I don't know, what can I do?" I asked

"You can-" Sirius began

"I'm not jumping into Candon Valley!" I snapped, he slumped back and gave me his sulky look. I rolled my eyes and turned to face Remus.

"What do _you_ think I should do?"

"Why are you asking me? I've never even held a girls hand before" he said.

"Yeah Remus is – WHAT!" Sirius shouted

"Sirius you need to be more understanding of Remus's feelings" I said

"Yeah I'm sure he feels like a dope but still…" Sirius muttered.

"Look I will touch a girl when I want to or when they let me, whichever comes first," Remus said

"Good for you, don't let your friends push you into anything you don't want" Genevieve Lupin said

"Mum!" Remus snapped

"What?" she asked

"Get out!" Remus said

"Man" Genevieve said and got up.

"Your not nice Remus"

"And you're drunk. _Again_" Remus said.

"No I'm not… I brought you lemonade," she said. We all stared at Genevieve as she set down the tray.

"Get out!" Remus said

"All right" she said and gave us a dazzling smile before leaving the room.

"Your mum is hot" Sirius said

"My mum said she's a slut," Peter said Sirius and I stared at him. That was stupid, even by Peter's standards. The future of our friendship depended on how Remus handled that comment.

"I know she's a slut," he said distractedly. He sighed and put his head in his hands.

"I think she was trying to make a move on Sirius before" he said his voice muffled by his hands.

"Sweet" Sirius said

"No! Bad Padfoot" I scolded and hit Sirius with a newspaper. He glared at me when I was done.

"I won't sleep with your mum Remus but I can't help it if she's chasing me"

"Can we please not talk about my mum?" Remus asked

"All right, for you I'll stop… I noticed her skirt was shorter. Isn't that the one that was down mid thigh last time we were here?" Sirius asked

"I'll admit yes she was shortening it last night but I will not ask her why" Remus said

"Please" Sirius cried

"No! Your sick imagination can do it for you. I'll be over here trying to convince myself my mother is a good person… inside" Remus muttered "and don't you dare turn that into a sexual innuendo or I'll kill you"

Sirius closed his mouth.

"What am I going to do? I feel like an idiot," I said changing the topic, which Remus was grateful for.

"You're going to have to settle for second," Remus said

"I don't want second"

"When I was in high school I dated this beautiful boy" Genevieve said appearing from nowhere.

"Mum!"

"Let me finish. He was so sweet and charming and had the most beautiful blue eyes. I slept with his friend and he dumped me. Two years later I met John and we now have a beautiful boy. My point is sometimes settling works," Genevieve said to me.

"Oh for the love of God" Remus sighed

"I've never felt this way about anyone. I can't settle for second I just can't," I said

"It breaks your heart to see the one you love is happy with someone else, but it's more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you" Genevieve said "Does that help?"

"She's never given us a chance. How do I know she's unhappy with me?" I asked

"Isn't this the boy that won that achievement award?" Genevieve asked

"I did" Remus said

"And I thought you were intelligent" Genevieve said ignoring her son

"I am!" Remus said

"Oh sorry dear. Mummy's mind comes and goes" Genevieve said waving her hand airily.

"Yes you called me John the other day"

"You look so much like your father. Sorry…"

"It's fine"

"Genevieve, Remus I'm sorry if I seem selfish but I'd like to solve _my_ problem" I said.

"Try this one," Genevieve said, "If you love something let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never had it. If it comes back, love it forever"

"But I can't let her go"

"Look she's so used to having you there. Asking her out, doing anything to make her smile. Maybe when your not there she'll realise she does like you, loves you even" Genevieve said

"I-"

"You don't know what you've got till it's gone" Genevieve interrupted.

"But I-"

"Do you understand what I'm saying?" she asked.

I stared at my hands for a while. She sat watching me after a short bit of thinking I looked at her; she gave me a sympathetic smile then gave Remus a pat on the back before leaving.

"Crap" I sighed.

--

_Hello wonderful fan fiction readers._

_Second chapter… whoa! Finally..._

_Please leave your feedback in the form of a review_

_Till next time guys, A.J_

--


	3. Head Boy and Girl

Chapter Three: Head Boy and Girl

I sat on the Hogwarts express. It was already half way to school by now I hadn't even noticed we'd left the station. I stared out at the fields in shock then of course realised what had happened. I turned to face my friends.

"Wow. Head boy. Your going to get us out of heaps of trouble with this one" Sirius said staring at the badge.

"I can't believe Dumbledore made _you _head boy" Peter said to me

"I thought it was Remus for sure," Sirius said. I glanced at Remus who was reading his book. He looked up at the sound of his name.

"Oh I'm glad it's not me. I was an awful prefect. I was far to shy to yell at anyone or give out any form of punishment. It was always Lily who told people off" he said.

"Speaking of Lily do you think she made head girl?" Sirius asked.

"If she did I'm going to hurt myself. I'm supposed to leave her alone. If she's head girl we'd be together nearly all the time," I said

"Don't worry… I mean they wouldn't pick someone from the same house. And it's probably not a prefect because Remus didn't get head boy and he was a prefect" Sirius said

"It's more likely to _be_ a prefect," I said

"No" Sirius said shaking his head. "I will bet ten Galleons it's not Lily"

--

"Lily" I said. She screamed and dropped everything she was holding.

"Hi James" Lily said I nodded to her then looked around. This was where I was supposed to meet the head girl for the meeting with the prefects. I looked back at Lily. _Of course._

"Your head girl" I said

"Yes" she said nodding.

"I don't have that ten Galleons. I honestly didn't believe she'd be head girl," Sirius whispered.

"I quit," I said turning around. Remus, Sirius and Peter stood behind me.

"This is the best thing that's ever happened to us," Sirius hissed.

"Do you remember how great our fifth year was?" Peter asked

"Yeah" I said

"It was because Remus was a prefect. Your head boy! HELLO!" Sirius shouted.

"Our seventh year will be twice as much fun because you've got double authority," Peter said.

"Your head boy?" Lily asked sounding genuinely surprised. I turned to face her.

"I know you don't want me around you so I'm going to resign" I said

"No" she said stepping forward and tripping over her stuff. I caught her and helped her stand up straight.

"Thanks" she said brushing her beautiful red hair from her bright green eyes.

"You don't have to resign. I don't want what I said over the holidays to change anything between us," she said.

"Little late for that. You broke his heart you devil-woman" Sirius cried

"Oi!" I said glaring at him.

"It's fine Lily. I'm sure we can work co-operatively," I said turning back to her

"Yeah?" she asked smiling.

"Yeah"

"And you don't think I'm a devil-woman?" she asked her smile slipping slightly.

"No but Sirius does so I'd stay away from him"

"Heartless wench" Sirius shouted. Remus and Peter dragged him out of the room.

"Your not" I said immediately.

Lily nodded looking a bit hurt

"Really" I assured her, she nodded.

"No I mean it"

"Thanks" she said with a small smile.

"Here you are"

Lily and I turned to see Professor McGonagall standing behind us. She was our head of house and also the deputy headmistress.

"Professor McGonagall" Lily said

"I knew you would make head girl Miss Evans. Is there any reason Mr Potter is here?" she asked staring at me with her sharp eyes.

"No. I'm just here for the show. When does the head boy get here? I'd like to punch him for eyeballing my woman" I said

Lily giggled nervously

"One second" she said to McGonagall then pushed me out into the hallway.

"James if this is the head boy your going to be maybe you should resign"

"Your right Lily" I said she looked surprised

"But I'm not going to do it because I'm in desperate need to annoy professor McGoogles in there" I said and walked back into the room.

"McGonagall. I'm head boy," I said

"Is Dumbledore nuts?" she asked

"Why is it so hard for everyone to believe I'm head boy?" I asked, Lily and McGonagall avoided my eyes. I shook my head and sat down, Lily sat next to me and McGonagall sat opposite.

"So your both head boy and girl. It's your job to ensure the prefects are doing their jobs, come up with patrol rosters, set an example for your fellow students and also be responsible in cases of emergency…" McGonagall said. I glanced at Lily she was nodding at every opportunity. McGonagall kept talking, and talking, and talking.

I have the worst attention span why on earth would Dumbledore make me head boy? I was like a three year old on Cracker Night if the child had been given twenty litres of red cordial and fifty lbs of lollies.

"Mr Potter!" McGonagall snapped brining me out of my thoughts.

"Yes?"

"Do you agree?" she asked

"With what?" I asked she narrowed her eyes and her lips thinned.

"Never mind" she said and then left.

"Well that was nice," I said standing up.

"Where are you going?" Lily asked standing up as well.

"Back to my friends. You have some too right?" I asked.

"Of course" she said I walked into the hallway and almost crashed into Lily's friends Grace Moonshine and Molly Callahan.

"James" they said together.

"Ladies" I said slipping past them.

"We still have to make schedules," Lily said

"I have Quidditch practise straight after the feast" I said to her

"What? It's the first day back" she said I waved and left.

I did not have Quidditch practise. In fact I didn't even have a team as most had graduated last year. But I needed to avoid her and avoid her I shall.

I went back down to the compartment I knew my friends were in.

"So what did professor crazy horse want?" Sirius asked

"Just to go over the duties. I hope Lily was listening because I zoned out. Not on purpose but you know…" I replied.

"Jimmy" Molly said knocking on the door.

"Molly Callahan" I replied. Molly was the only person on earth I'd allow to call me Jimmy. She was Lily's best friend and also she's a girl so I couldn't hit her every time she did it.

"Lils doesn't want to ask you so I'm going to do it for her. Because your schedule is_ so_ hard to get around and you seem far to eager to ride that stick of yours she wants to do the schedules now" Molly said.

"He's busy lets just go" I heard Grace say from the hallway. Molly shot her a look then looked back at me.

"I know your trying to avoid her, which is a good thing" Molly whispered very, very quietly, "but Lily has dreamed of being head girl since her first year at Hogwarts and if you do anything to mess it up I'm personally going to make sure that your not going to be able to ride any stick… ever"

"I'm not trying to mess up Lily's chances," I hissed.

"Great. Lily come on in," Molly said pulling Lily into the room.

"If your busy-"

"I'm not. Sit" I said she was forced to sit down by her friend Molly.

"Ok bye kids" Molly said and dragged Grace out of the room.

"I'm sorry" Lily said, "I really am starting to doubt I can be honest with Molly. Every time I complain she immediately has to fix it. Not that I complain about you, your great but-" I held my hand up to quiet her. She fell silent immediately.

"Lily. You do whatever you want with those schedules. No let me finish. I don't want to seem like I'm dumping everything on you but I know you… you'd much rather do this on your own as apposed to doing it on your own with me watching you do it" I said she nodded seeming slightly embarrassed.

"Don't worry. I know I'm irritating. I really feel as if I'm making you do it on your own. But if you don't want to I can work with you"

"No… it's fine," she said

"Really?" I asked

"Yeah… I'll come get you if it gets to overwhelming"

"And there's a good team. And I can handle it alone if you need a break" I said

"I'd like that" she said I smiled

"See we work…" I said she smiled and curled a bit of her hair behind her ear.

"Thanks James" she said

"Don't be afraid to ask me" I said she nodded "oh and don't tell Molly she'll kick me for dumping everything on you. Which I'm not doing"

"I know… but she probably will misinterpret it so…" Lily trailed off then stood up.

"Ok bye. See you guys," she said to my friends who all waved goodbye.

"Wow your good" Remus said

"Very good" Peter agreed.

"I do what I do because I do it best," I said

"And that is lying?" Remus asked

"Cheating?" Peter adding.

"Stealing?" Sirius said then frowned "wait that's me never mind"

The rest of the journey was basically catching up. I'll spare the details of what was apparently Peter's most embarrassing summer… no need to humiliate the guy further by spreading it round.

We got to Hogwarts and I made the way up to the carriages that would take us from the station up to the school.

We were standing with a bundle of other students when Sirius stopped talking and stared behind me. I turned around to find Grace standing behind me. I leapt back and stared at her, her pale blue eyes were wide as she stared right back.

"Moonshine" I said

"Potter" she replied in her calm soothing tone.

"Anything I can help you with?" I asked

"The stars are pretty this evening" she said I looked up

"Yeah I guess" I muttered then looked back down at her. She was staring at me

"She'll tell you"

"What?" I asked

"She'll tell you" Grace repeated then walked off. I stared after her then turned around to look at my friends. They were staring at me.

"What did she want?" Sirius asked

"It was nothing. Just more death threats"

"Yeah. I'd watch out for Callahan… she just does not like you" Sirius said. I sighed and got into a carriage with my friends.

We got up to the school. Had the welcome back feast, with traditional welcome back speech filled with the same things so the newbies could understand. After all that we were sent off upstairs.

I was glad there wouldn't be any of that head dormitory stuff. For ages the tradition has been that the head boy and girl would share living quarters. I was so glad that rule got thrown out. First off I couldn't think of sleeping so close to Lily without going completely insane. And second of all I don't think I could fall asleep any more without the background noises of Sirius's sleep talking.

I walked out of the great hall and stood behind the throng of students trying to get up the stairs to their own respective dormitories.

"James check it out," Sirius said. I looked at him but he was looking over my shoulder. I turned around.

"Ah" I said when I spotted the problem. Lily stood laughing with the Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain.

"No Nathan I don't…" she trailed off giggling. I shrugged and led Sirius off up the stairs.

"Not going to hit him?"

"Nope" I said.

"Well I think you should" Sirius said. "I don't like him"

"Thank you for being a good friend but you don't have to hate every guy Lily flirts with" I said.

"Nah James I don't like him…" Remus said. Peter, Sirius and I turned to face him.

"You don't? _You!_ Remus Lupin! Benefit-of-the-doubt extraordinaire," I said.

"I can not like people" Remus said.

"But you even like Snape" Sirius said

"I tolerate him! I do not like him. But this Nathan Zwaine. I do not like and will not tolerate" Remus said then looked at me.

"You have to break them up" Peter said Remus nodded.

"Me? Why?" I asked

"Look I don't care if you just get Lily to move on to freaking… Joey Nile get her away from Nathan Zwaine!" Remus said

"I don't give a stuff about the bloody bloke. Why do I have to?" I snapped.

"Because _you_ love her," the three of them said.

"I hate love" I sighed

"That's a bit of an oxymoron isn't it?" Remus said.

"Mr Potter"

We all turned to look up the staircase. Professor Dumbledore stood a few steps above us and was looking at Lily laughing with Zwaine.

"I wasn't going to do anything sir" I said immediately.

"Can we have a chat in my office?" he asked. I glanced down at Lily and Zwaine who had now realised there were other people around them.

"Yes" I sighed and followed him up the stairs. He led me into his office and I sat opposite him taking all the little trinkets that lined the bookshelf behind his desk.

He sat down opposite me just staring at me over his half-moon spectacles. I didn't really want to sit there with him staring at me. Especially because he always gave off the vibe that he was seeing right into your most inner thoughts.

"So anything important sir?" I asked trying to speed up the process.

"Youth today. So impatient" was all he said. "You've all the time in the world James. What's the rush?"

"Nothing sir" I said leaning back in my seat. So this is how he wanted it? Fine I could sit here all day and night. It was only school I'd be missing.

"Sir" I said. Yes I'm impatient. I don't care! I am suffering from broken-heart syndrome and I'm tired.

"I understand"

"I said that out loud didn't I?"

"You did," he said. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair.

"Look I know I'm this huge screw up. And it seems that I leave a path of destruction in my wake I can assure you isn't entirely my fault… but I love Lily. And I know that I can't follow her around. Which was why I didn't beat up Zwaine. But all that will not stuff up this head boy and girl thing. I can act professional… you have my word" I said.

"That's all very good and well but I was actually just getting you in here to tell me your opinion on these ties. I have to go somewhere tomorrow and require a tie. Which one?" Dumbledore asked holding up a red tie and a blue tie.

"Blue is a more calming colour" I muttered he beamed.

"Thank you. That's all" he said. I frowned at him curiously but said nothing.

"Night sir" I said standing up.

"Good night James" he said his blue eyes twinkling as he stared up at me. I left the office with a small smile on my face.

I don't know how he does it. But he seems to have the ability to make everyone's problems go away. Even if it's just for a few minutes. If nothing goes wrong this might last a while. Now I've jinxed myself. _James Potter when will you learn?_ Apparently never…

--

_Hey gang_

_Sorry but my muse is a prick._

_It's been sleeping with my sister. _

_I'm kidding but it does seem to have gone on vacation _

_Even after I specifically told it I needed at least two weeks notice_

_Sucky chapter I know I'll try and make it up to you all. _

_With lots of review love I might get better…? _

_Well bye for now, A.J_

--


	4. Let the Lessons Begin

--

_Just because I can and it's about time you feel appreciated._

_A shout out to my reviewers for this._

_Allergic-To-Sunlight, fearblank, mrs. Nesbit and Someone aka Me._

_Hmm… thought I had more._

_Well thanks anyway to you, you keep me going_

_This chapter is dedicated to you. _

_Because I think you all need some praise._

_Thanks to you guys and all those who read but didn't review_

_Enjoy, A.J_

--

Chapter Four: Let the Lessons Begin

"Mr Black one more outburst and it's a detention!" Professor Slughorn shouted.

"Yes sir!" Sirius said obediently.

We all sat in potions. It was less the five minutes into the first class and already I had the feeling I'd be spending my first weekend back here in detention.

There was a loud bang from behind me. I turned around and saw Sirius standing next to Serverus Snape. They were both covered in a sticky black substance and were shouting at each other.

"Why me?" Slughorn was muttering. "Why do they always put Slytherin and Gryffindor together in my classes. McGonagall gets Ravenclaw and Gryffindor. I get… oh I'm too old for this"

"Sir, We'll help clean up," Lily said.

Ah of course. Lily the golden girl, teachers pet would volunteer.

_Wait did she say we? Which we?_ I turned and saw her standing next to me.

"Ah thank you Ms Evans, Mr Potter. Everyone is dismissed. You two" Slughorn said pointing to Snape and Sirius. "Follow me"

The whole class ran out and I stayed back watching Sirius trail miserably after Slughorn as they presumably headed for hospital wing.

Lily and I were left staring at the wall splattered with the black sticky substance.

"Why'd you volunteer for clean up?" I asked turning to Lily who smiled.

"I always do. I mean my mum's an economics teacher at the high school near my house. She's always said that students don't understand how hard it is for teachers. And I know it must be ten times worse for magical teachers. So I try to help," she said

"You are truly flawless" I said she smiled with a small blush.

"Don't please" she said. I frowned at her then realised what I'd done.

"No. I didn't mean anything by it. I'm neutral. Totally neutral" I said.

"Maybe I sh-"

"I don't thi-" we both started then stopped.

"You first" she said.

"Why did you volunteer me?" I asked.

"I don't know. I suppose I thought it was about time everyone saw that James Potter can be good"

"Are you included in that?"

"Of course I am. I think your highly irresponsible and I'm still wondering how much your parents have to pay Dumbledore to keep you in school," she said.

"Ouch Lily. Watch where you're throwing those sharp words. You almost hurt my feelings," I said. She did. Hurt my feelings. I'm just good with comebacks and even better at lying.

"James I'm so sorry. I didn't…"

"Relax Evans. I won't tell anyone. You may keep your squeaky clean image" I said with a grin. She stared at me worriedly.

"I'm sorry… I don't-"

"Spare me" I said and walked over to the sink to grab some cleaning supplies.

"Going to clean the normal way?" Lily asked.

"Yes. The only cleaning spells my mother taught me were lemon and a bit of bicarbonate soda gets any stain out and that no amount of soapy water could wash the shame from her mind thanks to that sad July morning" I said.

"That sounds like it's got an interesting back story"

"Well it involves Sirius, alcohol and a large chocolate cake," I said making Lily smile.

We cleaned the room in almost silence. Occasionally making small talk about classes and ambitions for next year… things like that.

In a few of the silent moments I thought about her. Obviously… my mind only comprehends a few things. Women… parents… friends and occasionally classes or something educational. So I thought of Lily. I'd stalked this girl, well not stalked her I mean I'd never followed her home or hung outside her bedroom door or left weird messages for her. But I was pretty close. I mean I'd grown accustomed to her habits and things. Random outbursts were in there of course. They are for all women. So I wasn't that surprised that Lily had hurt my feelings. I was just surprised by what she'd said… she insults me all the time but what she'd just said weren't Lily insults. They were general ones… what people who don't really know me think of me.

"Ok well thanks for helping out. I shouldn't have volunteered you but it's the right thing to do. Even you… deep down know that" she said and with a beautiful smile and quick flip of the hair she left.

--

I do not get women. They are confusing… with their mood swings and 'time of the month' stuff. It's all a little to weird. Like they're not only from another planet but a different galaxy all together. If they were from the right galaxy they'd understand that yes is a perfect response to 'I love you' and things like that. But they don't. They bite your head off.

"I know what you mean" Sirius said I looked at him.

"You were doing that thing were you think your thoughts aloud" he said nodding. I sighed and sat up from the couch.

We sat in the Gryffindor common room. Ignoring our homework from our first day back of classes. It's the first day. Your not supposed to learn anything on the first day. Well maybe on the first day of your last year but why would I break tradition just because it's my last year?

"She's really got you hasn't she?" Sirius asked. I nodded

"Aw my poor Prongsie. How on earth are we going to do anything when your…" he stopped and together with Remus and Peter made the 'wa-chii' whipping noise.

"Whipped" he finished.

"Nice… how long you guys practise that?"

"Not long" Peter said proudly.

I sighed and slumped back into the couch. Lily walked by giggling with Grace and Molly. I stared after her and watched as she bid her friends goodbye at the portrait hole.

"I think someone has a late night date with Nathan Zwaine" Sirius said

"You shut up" Molly ordered "and you! Don't you dare ruin this for her"

"I wasn't going to" I protested.

"Whatever Potter. Just leave her alone" Molly snapped and then led Grace away.

"How did I end up the bad guy?" I asked

"It was all that stalking" Sirius said nodding.

"I've never followed her around for more then ten minutes how is that stalking?" I asked

"It's not. It's just really creepy" Peter said nodding.

"Thanks Pete" I muttered.

"Just being honest" he said I smiled. We were usually the last four people to leave the common room. So I wasn't terribly concerned when I looked around at midnight to find only my friends in the common room. Remus was still reading and Sirius was reading over his shoulder frowning as he concentrated. Peter was trying to do his homework and apparently failing at it.

Molly scurried into the common room.

"Ok normally I'd never ever do this but-" she began but Grace came out of the dormitory and ran into her causing her to fall over.

"Lily isn't back yet" Grace said calmly while Molly sat up glaring at her friend.

"And...?" I asked.

"Well what if something happened to her?" Molly asked

"She's a big girl. She can take care of herself" Sirius said not looking up. Remus looked at me pointedly.

"Hey have you ever been on the receiving end of one of her Bat-Bogey hexes?" I asked he shook his head.

"Well she's pretty good at them so I think if Zwaine tries anything she'll be fine"

"Ok!" Molly cried running over and sitting in front of me.

"Your awesome ok? You gave Lily her space you let her move on. I'll tell her all about it. How you refused to ruin her date but Grace and I forced you to come out and help just please!"

"Fine Callahan I'll come" I said standing up.

"But if she's in no danger then I will not step in and tell Lily to go to bed all right?"

"Fine! I just have to know she's ok" Molly said.

"How are we going to find her?" Grace asked.

"Well Potter knows where anyone is when he needs to know" Molly said looking at me.

"How?" Grace asked.

"I have my ways. Padfoot... Callahan lets go"

"I'm coming too" Grace said.

"Sorry bit it's easier for the headboy to say he caught Sirius with his latest squeeze rather then in the middle of a threesome"

"So I'm a decoy?" Sirius asked

"Essentially yeah" I said.

"You expect people to believe I was in a broom closet with Sirius Black?" Molly asked. I just smiled at her.

"We'll be back in a second" I said grabbing Sirius by the arm and leading him up to the dormitories. We searched through my bedside table and pulled out the familiar blank parchment.

"I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good" Sirius said quickly and tapped the parchment with his wand. Lines began to race across the page forming rooms, towers, stairs and pathways. Soon we were both staring at a detailed map of Hogwarts.

"Find us first" I muttered. We always did this, to make sure the map was working properly. And in the Gryffindor tower dormitories were two little dots labeled _Sirius Black _and _James Potter. _

"Lets look for Lily" I said.

"There... the astronomy tower" Sirius said pointing to the little dot labeled Lillian Evans.

I grabbed my invisibility cloak and Sirius wiped the map clean and we headed back into the common room.

"Lets go" I said and Sirius took Molly's hand she tried to jerk away but he held strong and they led the way out of the portrait hole.

We walked down the hallway and through a few others before stopping at the top of the stairs.

"Well... where is she?" Molly asked.

"Astronomy tower" Sirius said.

"I don't know how you do it" she said and led the way.

"Here you two check on her. I'll wait down here" I said handing Sirius my invisibility cloak.

"Whoa!" Molly said staring at it.

"Is that...?"

"Yes" Sirius said impatiently and threw it over the both of them. They disappeared instantly and I heard their footsteps fade up the stairs.

I heard a meow and my insides froze. I looked down at the red eyed cat that belonged to the caretaker who seemed to stalk these halls. It meowed again.

"Screw you kitty" I hissed. I had no invisibility cloak because my excuse had run off with it. I glanced around wondering if I could make a run for it. To late I closed my eyes and sighed. I'm an Animagus... I can turn into an animal at will. I picked a deer... not suspicious if running about in the forbidden forest late at night but roaming the castle? Tends to stand out.

The cat meowed at me and I just picked it up in my mouth. Note to self: mouth wash and eight packets of toothpaste when I get back to the dormitory.

Lily and Zwaine stumbled down the stairs.

"Nate... you are so drunk" Lily giggled.

"You seem pretty wasted yourself love" he said they both stopped at the sight of me. I stared back wondering where the hell Molly and Sirius had gotten too.

"Is that a deer?" Lily asked.

"Look it's got Filch's cat" Zwaine said.

"Why?" Lily asked looking at Zwaine.

"Maybe to help us. Kitty can't run back to master and dob on us"

"That's so sweet. Do you think it'll let me pet it?" Lily asked looking rather excited. I took a step back. I'm not getting petted! No matter how awesome it would be because it was Lily. I'm not an actual deer.

I heard barking behind me which I instantly recognised. A large black dog beckoned me over with a paw. I followed it and we slipped into a secret passage just nearby.

I put the cat down and turned back into a human spitting cat hair from my mouth.

"Where's Molly?" I asked looking down at the black dog which with a simple nod of its head turned into Sirius.

"Left her in the tower. I heard Lily mention a deer and knew I had to help you out" he said.

"Thanks" I said.

"I think our lovers have stumbled away by now" Sirius said and peaked his head out of the passage.

"Come on kitty" he said picking the cat up and patting it as we slipped out of the hidden passage. We walked along the hallway gloriously Lily and Zwaine free and headed up the stairs to the astronomy tower.

"Molly" Sirius hissed. Molly appeared on our right holding the cloak in her hand.

"Hi" she said handing me back the cloak.

"So there... she's safe and sound and I will never ever do anything like this for you again" I said to her. Sirius and Molly both avoided my eyes.

"What? Was she not safe? They seemed fine when they came down..."

"Oh they were fine. We just walked in at an awkward moment" Molly said.

"Yeah... saw a lot more of Zwaine then I'd have liked to" Sirius muttered.

"Did they...?" I asked Molly and Sirius nodded.

"Up here...?" I asked again they nodded.

"They had sex...?" I asked they nodded.

"Oh" I said "well... uh... we should... go back to the common room"

"You're ok?" Sirius asked

"Yeah..." I replied with a small smile. I followed him out of the room Molly trailing behind me.

"I didn't realise Lily put out" Sirius said.

"My friend is not a slut. She just obviously trusts Zwaine a lot. She's only ever had three boyfriends she's been that serious about" Molly said hurrying past me to step in front of Sirius.

"For a girl sex isn't about the fun or whatever it is to you you sick bloody pervert. It's a bonding experience between a boy and girl. Your giving a boy this gift... the gift of you completely. So you don't go around giving it to just anyone. Well Lily certainly doesn't"

"Then why after only a week of casual flirting with the guy would she do that?" Sirius asked

"Because! That's not Lily! She wouldn't ever sleep with someone that quick. I think he did something to her" Molly said.

"You have to do something" she said turning to me.

"What? Why? Get a professor or something!" I said

"James! He's doing something to her. Don't you care at all?" Molly asked I stared at her.

"He's ruining her. You have to do something! Anything!"

"Why do I have to?" I snapped.

"Because _you_ love her," Molly said. I buried my face in my hands.

"Damn skanky Evans!" I muttered and punched a wall. I held my bleeding hand to my chest.

"James-"

"YES I KNOW! I LOVE HER. I'M AN IDIOT! SHE KEEPS GETTING HERSELF INTO TROUBLE AND _I_ HAVE TO GET HER OUT OF IT. BECAUSE _I _LOVE HER! AND I THINK I BROKE MY HAND. BUT ALL THAT DOESN'T MATTER DOES IT? BECAUSE EVERYONE CAN COUNT ON ME TO FIX IT BECAUSE I'M A MORON AND I LOVE HER. SO WHAT MOLLY WHAT?" I bellowed. Molly just pointed behind us. I turned and saw our head of house slowly making her way over.

"Damn" Sirius breathed.

--

_Hey readers._

_I've been very inspired lately. _

_It's awesome!!_

_Not the best chapter I know but whatever._

_I feel so awesome for updating a lot! _

_Please review_

_Till later gang, A.J_

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